Sour Lemonade

This last week has been really difficult. 

There's been a lot of sudden illnesses, some unexpected and long term health concerns, more ER runs than I ever want to do again and a definite lack of relaxation and sleep. Though there's been selfless help from family and constant offers of support from friends, it's been draining and defeating even with all that. On top of that, when I realized that I was 8 1/2 months pregnant today, I had a little bit of an inner conniption. 

As much as we want Baby 3 here, we're just not ready- or at least not nearly as ready as we'd like to be. The house isn't prepared-at all-, we don't have a third carseat, we haven't purchased the bassinet, dug out Josiah's newborn clothes, assembled baby things like bottles, bathtub, etc. and I haven't finished my "birth plan" or hospital bag. You know I'm unprepared when I don't even have that packed. 

It's hard for me to talk about or even respond when people say, "So how're you guys doing?" One one hand, it's more than easy to talk about all the things going right. I do have perspective. I am optimistic. I don't need to be told that it's a phase, a chapter, a season of life. On the other hand, how do you express your insecurity, uncertainty, and sadness over events that you have no control over? I ask myself "why us" and "why not us" all the time. 

So here are my "good" stories. The ones I promised myself I'd remember when this week was over...

Steve and the kids:

My beautiful baby girl on Christmas morning

Hanging out with Steve's family on Christmas day

First finger painting lesson

Steve making us pancake shapes for breakfast

Reading this new favorite story to the kids every night before bed and then tucking them in together.

It was Steve's special gift to Josiah, our amazing little man with so much energy and intelligence.

My favorite excerpt (the last two pages)

"These big, big trucks, so tough and loud,
They works so hard, so rough, and proud.
Tomorrow is another day.
Another chance to work and play.

Turn off your engines, stop your tracks,
Relax your wheels, your stacks, and backs.
No more huffing and puffing, team:
It's time to rest your heads and dream.

Construction site, all tucked in tight,
The day is done, turn off the light.
Great work today! Now...shhh.... goodnight."


And this story. Always this.